On Grief.

I write about aspects of death and the paranormal every day, so you'd think it would make dealing with "real" death easier. It doesn't. As open as I am about pretty much everything, I’m private when it comes to grief. I don't go to funerals or wakes, I don't talk about loved ones who have died, and I don’t commiserate their loss with others. Not because I'm heartless, but because my grief is private. Nothing anyone can say can take away the pain. Nothing.

A friend of mine passed away unexpectedly last week. It was a shock to everyone. She wasn’t feeling well one evening, and was dead by morning. Just like that. I'd spoken to her the week before, and she seemed fine. When she didn’t answer my last email, I figured she’d gotten busy. In retrospect, I should have called her. Maybe I would have sensed something was wrong. Maybe I could have said something that changed the outcome. Maybe not. I keep running our last conversation over-and-over in my mind, and find myself wishing I’d turned it around. “Yes, my daughter’s birthday is coming up. Anything you get will be awesome. Now…how are you doing? What are your plans this week? What would you like for Christmas?” My list of regrets goes on, but it doesn't matter. Such is life.

I've seen people share on Facebook when someone dies. The slew of comments that follow leave me at a loss for words. "They're in a better place," "Condolences," "I'm so sorry for your loss." In spite of the fact I live in words, I don’t comment when it comes to those kinds of posts. I feel a little guilty, but honestly, nothing I say will make you feel better.

I've been off social media for the past week because it was hard to pretend things were cool. Writing about the paranormal and death has been difficult.  Losing someone you love sucks. Loss isn't new to me, but it doesn't get easier. I think what pulled me out of my introspection was a call from an old friend of mine. Thank you, Christopher, for sharing your wedding plans with me. I'm not sure you realize how much your call meant, or the timing of.

My advice if you haven't been in this situation yet: Give your loved ones a call. Today. Ask them how they’re doing. And then…listen. Don’t put it off because you’re busy. It’s way more important than all that other junk. Trust me.

I worked on my book today, which bodes well. Life goes on.