Clarissa Johal: On Grief.

Monday, December 14, 2015

On Grief.

I write about aspects of death and the paranormal every day, so you'd think it would make dealing with "real" death easier. It doesn't. As open as I am about pretty much everything, I’m private when it comes to grief. I don't go to funerals or wakes, I don't talk about loved ones who have died, and I don’t commiserate their loss with others. Not because I'm heartless, but because my grief is private. Nothing anyone can say can take away the pain. Nothing.

A friend of mine passed away unexpectedly last week. It was a shock to everyone. She wasn’t feeling well one evening, and was dead by morning. Just like that. I'd spoken to her the week before, and she seemed fine. When she didn’t answer my last email, I figured she’d gotten busy. In retrospect, I should have called her. Maybe I would have sensed something was wrong. Maybe I could have said something that changed the outcome. Maybe not. I keep running our last conversation over-and-over in my mind, and find myself wishing I’d turned it around. “Yes, my daughter’s birthday is coming up. Anything you get will be awesome. Now…how are you doing? What are your plans this week? What would you like for Christmas?” My list of regrets goes on, but it doesn't matter. Such is life.

I've seen people share on Facebook when someone dies. The slew of comments that follow leave me at a loss for words. "They're in a better place," "Condolences," "I'm so sorry for your loss." In spite of the fact I live in words, I don’t comment when it comes to those kinds of posts. I feel a little guilty, but honestly, nothing I say will make you feel better.

I've been off social media for the past week because it was hard to pretend things were cool. Writing about the paranormal and death has been difficult.  Losing someone you love sucks. Loss isn't new to me, but it doesn't get easier. I think what pulled me out of my introspection was a call from an old friend of mine. Thank you, Christopher, for sharing your wedding plans with me. I'm not sure you realize how much your call meant, or the timing of.

My advice if you haven't been in this situation yet: Give your loved ones a call. Today. Ask them how they’re doing. And then…listen. Don’t put it off because you’re busy. It’s way more important than all that other junk. Trust me.

I worked on my book today, which bodes well. Life goes on.


6 comments:

wtsrudi said...

Beautiful Writing, Clarissa! *Hugs*
-Rudi

Unknown said...

Beautifully written. It has been one full year since my friend Lisa passed away, basically unexpectedly. I will miss her forever and nothing can change that. I feel the same as you do...words cannot change this. Love you. Trina

Unknown said...

Beautifully written. It has been one full year since my friend Lisa passed away, basically unexpectedly. I will miss her forever and nothing can change that. I feel the same as you do...words cannot change this. Love you. Trina

Sharon Ledwith said...

So sorry for your loss, Clarissa. And you're right, life is short, so don't sweat the small stuff, and connect with those you love. Hugs, and keep writing! It's what you're born to do.

Clarissa Johal said...

Thanks for stopping by and commenting, you guys. I appreciate your kind thoughts and wishes :)

Heather R. Holden said...

Oh, gosh, so sorry about your friend. *hugs* I agree, words alone really can't lessen the grief whenever something like this happen. The pain's always too deep...